Talk:Berry and the Gang/@comment-25021327-20190201140559

I thought this story was decent. I think the pace pretty much works for the length of the story, and it doesn't really drag. I like the concept of the Herbert and the Gang show, and I think it provides a nice backdrop for the story here. Maybe a bit more description of the way Herbert looks might help, another detail or two.

The story is light on action, but I think that's fine given the length of it, and I tend to prefer that to stories that go off the deep end. There were a few typos, clarity notes and suggestions I made while reading.

Front loading. Maybe ease up a little on the rationalization and excuses in the opening.

Consider researching a position that the narrator may have had on the show's production. It could be more immersive than just saying that you worked on the show in some capacity.

“...since the people who worked on the show regarded each other as our own kind of family “

Maybe change to “those of us who worked on the show”

“kids who hang out a park” missing a word.

“Heart and sole” Soul

“...be like Sesame Street in its objective.” In its objective is a tad redundant, can be removed.

“Wives tale” to wives' tale

“well, this is the one story in a sea of rumors that actually happened.” Maybe clarify the wording here? Ending with “sea of rumors that actually happened” may imply that the sea of rumors actually happened rather than the following story.

“Herbert and the Gant set”

“had been properly brief” properly briefed.

“His whereabouts at the time were known and confirmed, and they weren't in the classroom.” Does “they” refer to the actor? Maybe use “he” here.